Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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