you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
