She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
