You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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