I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
