how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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