You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
