so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
