He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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