Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
