I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
