I think I am morally bankrupt
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
