Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my poor anus
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
