Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
