Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
