The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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