why didn't you poke me back
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
