i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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