Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
