u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize