You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize