honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
