You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize