Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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