Betty ford says i'm here all night
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
