You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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