yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
