I just saw a hot homeless man
i will never coherently bang her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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