onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
