no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
