my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
