I love black thongs
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
