And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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