I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
