Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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