God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
