the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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