and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He shit in the fireplace
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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