What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
