He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
