omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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