the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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