So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
