So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
