dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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