i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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