Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
