I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can i not drive my cunt home
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
