Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
