**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
