last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
