On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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