Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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