That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
