we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So squirting runs in the family.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
