I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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