i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
