I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
