I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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