make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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