Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
