take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
