Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
