apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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