Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
