It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
