somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
