im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
