I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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