cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
