this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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