I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
