The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
